What's love
by danibilbocas
Summary: told in Naruto POV. What's love, I think I knew... but everytime I see her... this is too complicated... Somewhat AU Not in tune with the latest manga


**This thing has been in my PC for longer than I thought; I found it while searching for my English essay, so why not? Let's post it**** (even though I think this story is embarrassing…).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Told in Naruto's P.O.V.**

**Somewhat AU**

**They are all 19.**

**What's Love?**** Research**

What's love? I thought I knew, my decisions in life might show it, but every time I see _her_ I rethink them, the love is even more complicated than I originally believed.

"Good morning" said the girl at my side.

"Morning" I yawned and put my clothes on and a fake grin in my face, that grin is my mask, nobody has been capable of seeing through it… well, nobody but _her_.

"I'll make you some breakfast" I looked at the girl, shocked, it wasn't natural for her to do breakfast, even less natural to do it for me; a look at me let uncovered my doubts "well, I want to thank you for letting me sleep here tonight…" she smiled.

I smiled back falsely, she went to the kitchen and I followed her, but my thought going to _her_ again, to her smile, and her eyes, so deep so pure… the question popped in my mind for the millionth time, do I love _her_?

…

…

…

That's impossible, if this thing I feel around _her_ is love, why does it hurts? It's so difficult.

"Naruto?"

I looked down, the girl with whom I slept with was looking at me, and I found myself with a frown in my face. All this is her fault! But I can't really blame _her_; I am the one who can't think anything but _her_.

"NARUTO!! I have been calling your name like six times!!" she was obviously pissed.

"Sorry Sakura-chan, I was just thinking something" or someone, she didn't have to know the details.

"Are you sure you are okay" Sakura said with concern, I just nodded.

"I just need some air, I'll be fine"

"Okay, I'll tell you when breakfast is ready" I waved at her in acknowledgement.

Ladies and gentlemen, my girlfriend, Sakura Haruno, who is completely oblivious to what I feel; in any situation you can imagine she will just wave off every sign of any possible depression, but the worst part is I can't end my relationship with her, in a hope that she becomes able to understand me, almost… like _her_.

"I'm weak" I muttered angrily while sitting on the entrance, it's unfair, even when I try not to remember her name, as in a chance to forget the confusion she evokes completely, her almost holly image keeps popping in my head, smiling at me, as if there wasn't a care in the world "I'm weak" I repeated hopelessly.

"I-I don't think so" a way too familiar voice said, the owner of that musical sound sat beside me, and even when I didn't look at that person I knew she was staring at me. Why of all people who could be passing by the one who heard me was _her_? I put my mask back on and looked at the figure at my side.

"Hey Hinata-chan! How are you?" I grinned; convinced she would buy this one.

"Very well, thank you Naruto-kun" a short silence followed, it was like she was thinking what to say next, and for me it felt very awkward "so… what's the matter?"

How could she know it _again_? Oh, right, what I said earlier. Heh, I always seem to forget what I was doing before when I meet her. She moved closer to me, and I could feel myself blushing. Suddenly, my face turned serious and stared at her "It's nothing, do you have an answer?"

She was waiting my question, I knew it, Hinata sighed and began "no, and I don't think I'll ever have one, you have to feel it yourself" Wow, this was new, normally she would stutter and say something like ´Not y-yet Naruto-kun but don't worry I'll… continue investigating` anything along those lines, but now, she was giving up, the thought of not having her researching for me, looking for me to tell me something about that theme made me oddly anxious, I wanted to know, sure, but if she didn't help me I would never feel like researching again "I think it's my fault" she continued "I didn't do the research only to help you but also… to spend more time with you, you seemed so happy when we were investigating I could only feel joyful about your enthusiasm, and… help you, even if I knew from the start it was pointless" Why do I feel like crying? When Hinata is near I always become a feeling twister; first I'm sad, then disappointed, then joyful, and now sadder than before, I don't get it!!

"This isn't your fault" I said, thoughtfully "remember when it all began?" she blushed, but nodded "we were only sixteen, and it took all your courage to tell me… well _that_"

**Flashback**** (Normal POV) **

"_I… I love you Naruto-kun" __Hinata said, blushing deeply, she didn't know that just two hours ago Sakura said ´yes` and became Naruto's girlfriend._

_This, however, shocked him like knowing you had an unknown twin somewhere and was having tea with your best friend, but at the same time, a small part of him was euphoric, even if he didn't realize it himself ´How? When? Why? ` Were the questions in his mind and underneath them all he asked himself for the first time ´do I love her? `_

"_I… I don't understand" he said, more out of shock than anything else_

"_Y-You don't have to Naruto-kun" Hinata said, lovingly, caring, and kindly "you don't have to say anything, I've had this inside too many years, I needed to tell you, but that doesn't mean anything, continue with your life, and just be happy" she smiled sweetly, and then walked away._

_´You don't have to Naruto-kun` ´You don't have to Naruto-kun` those words stayed in his mind more than the others, he wanted to understand, he NEEDED to understand; somehow, he felt that emotion Hinata held was stronger than his attachment to Sakura. _

_That night he didn't slept at all._

_The next morning, he found Hinata training in the forest, he felt nervous, but walked until he was close enough to say "I want to Hinata-chan" and be heard. Hinata stopped immediately what she was doing, almost jumping, and looked at Naruto. He had never say her name with the –chan suffix, but she liked it._

"_What do you mean Naruto-kun?" she asked, perplexed._

"_I want to know, I want to understand what you mean when you say ´love`, I believe it's stronger than anything I have known yet, like something you never lose, please help me to know" he begged. Hinata could have said no, or apologize for not knowing but, she did the only thing she thought was right at that moment._

"_I… I don't know how to explain it, I just feel it, but I can help you understand" she said shyly "do you know what a research is right?" he nodded, confused "we could do that, investigate people, couples and how do they react when being with each other, that way you'll understand more, __theoretically speaking__"  
_

"_Yeah, sounds __quite easy, so the ´What's Love? Research` has begun!" Naruto said, saying the first name that came to his head._

_The next few months went in a blur; they spent almost two daily hours spying on people in the village, and thirty minutes speaking about them and writing down important notes, what they did, how they looked at each other, differences in character when they were with their couple, etc. soon they had enough to write a book. They preferred to call this ´operation` only Research to keep secrecy from everyone, but it began to lose priority once they turned seventeen; they would still ´research`, but the spying just took 20 minutes and the writing down took hours, they often stopped writing and just spoke of anything crossing to their minds (mostly Naruto, being the more outspoken one) during that time Naruto got to know Hinata as she really was, and Hinata learnt an ability she always seemed to have, like a second nature, the ability to see beyond Naruto's happy mask._

_When Hinata turned eighteen she thought Naruto was going to stop the research, as the__y hadn't done a meeting since September, but at the next day, when she was going out with Kiba (just as friends, even if Kiba, to date, believes something else) Naruto appeared from nowhere saying something like ´Hinata-chan, I need your help with the research`._

_She was surprised, but the meeting was just ten minutes (looking old data) and Naruto was off to a date with Sakura._

_Mysteriously enough he began calling those strange short meetings every time Hinata was with a male friend, Hinata became, for the first time in her life, annoyed, and said they should do the research separately and meet the Sundays to share data. Naruto was pissed, but couldn't say no to her, so he agreed. Since then the meetings took an hour, ten minutes to share data, five minutes to save the important things, one minute with Naruto asking ´so, do we (he changed it to´ you` the third month, as his data became more and more pointless) have an answer yet?` She always said no, and forty-four minutes were always used to question Hinata on what had she done that week, and with who; and though she would never admit it to him, she was annoyed once again, so she decided not to go to the meetings anymore, however, Naruto kept asking her ´do you have an answer?` half out of curiosity, and half to make her return, however, this never worked, even now._

**End of Flashback (back to Naruto's POV)**

"I really think it's my fault" said Hinata, almost crying "if I hadn't told you that sick idea…"

"I'm glad you did it" I interrupted, my heart aching with a desire to see her smiling "if you hadn't we wouldn't have met, and I mean _really_ met" I smiled assuringly at her.

"But I made you suffer, thinking you could get an answer that way, and then I disappointed you" A tear ran across her cheek, and I had the urge to hug and comfort her "but I must ask why did you always summon a meeting when I was with Kiba-kun or Shino-kun?"

Why indeed? "I don't know" I answered honestly "I just had the need for a meeting at those exact times, and, I wanted to see you" I said, blushing.

"Oh" she was blushing too, and then it hit me; the answer (or the question in fact) was so obvious I had to be an idiot for not noticing earlier.

"You said you could not explain what love was" she nodded, still red "but you can tell me what do you feel when you see the person you love" I wondered if that person was still me "that would be the perfect close to the research!" I said without emotion, I didn't want it to finish, being just an acquaintance with her again, it felt… painful.

"Well, when I see you" my heart jumped as she turned redder, if possible "I feel happiness, but also… I feel bad when I see you with Sakura-san, as if a beast was eating my insides, however, over that, I want you to be happy, even if I'm not at your side" she hugged her knees, and I began thinking, I felt something similar when I was with her, but the beast part, never, maybe because she never stopped loving me? I don't know.

"Hey Hinata!" I knew that voice too well; Kiba was greeting Hinata as if she was the only one there, I felt a low growl trapped in my chest, aching to go to my throat "I was wondering…" _choose your words with care_ I thought sourly.

"What, Kiba-kun?" Hinata asked when his mouth remained open and unmoving, maybe asking for my punch to meet it.

Kiba turned red, scratched the back of his head and stuttered, making me angrier "I w-w-w-wanted to… heh, invite you to, um, the…" Finish the damn sentence idiot!! "The… training grounds?" what a fool, he can't even ask a girl out! But, to my surprise Hinata blushed and began to play with her fingers. Did I miss something here?

"Sorry Kiba-kun" she looked ashamed, I liked where this was going now "I forgot about it" wait, what? Kiba also looked surprised, but Hinata didn't notice "I'll be there in five minutes if I…" she finally took notice of Kiba's confused stare "Kurenai-sensei asked us to train today, didn't she?" my hypothesis are: Kiba was nervous by her beauty, or Hinata is really naïve, I seriously think it's the second.

"No, she didn't" I was right, oh joy! "I was just trying to…" Kiba said reluctantly, he didn't get to finish the sentence as Hinata finally discovered the meaning of his words, or so it seemed.

"Well…" Hinata started, red, because she was trying to accept or to decline, I didn't have the chance to know, as I stood in front of her, glaring at Kiba, who finally took notice of me.

"What Hinata tries to say" I gritted my teeth and frowned "is that she'd like to, but is currently doing something. Maybe you can try later" I said, even though my attitude and voice meant something different.

"Sure, whatever, see you later Hinata!" Kiba smirked before going away, I wanted to kick him so badly now!

Hinata was looking at me now, with the look of a grounded puppy, why? Did she want to say yes to Kiba? Am I an evil person? I just wanted to protect her, but if she wanted Kiba, I had to respect her decision; after all, I already had a girlfriend…

"…I'm sorry" my thoughts were interrupted by that small little voice.

"Did you want to go out with him?" asking it this way was rude, but I had to know, I felt something rip my stomach slowly as I waited for her answer.

"No…" whatever was inside me took a rest "but he is so… insistent!" she knew it all along! Now THAT is surprising "I have acted like I don't know what's going on, but he keeps asking me, I think I'll have to accept someday" the thing continued working, trying to get to my mouth and escape, I suppose.

"Don't" I blurted out. She looked at me, now inquisitive "don't do it, please" I didn't know what I was doing! But well, better get on with it "don't accept, I'll… I won't let you!"

"I… I don't understand Naruto-kun" Hinata said; believe me, neither did I.

"You…" this is so difficult! I didn't know if I should sympathize with Kiba or still want to kill him "you should be honest, to him and to yourself…" this was deep, am I really saying this? "Make your feelings obvious"

"B-but, if I hurt him?" Hinata asked, I felt she was sad, and finally gave in to my instincts and hugged her.

"You can't run from it, that's not the way Hinata would do it" I said "because I know her, and I like her a lot" Without noticing it, my lips touched hers, I saw her eyes in shock, then slowly closing, I mimicked her.

I heard Sakura call me, I didn't care, and I continued kissing Hinata, as if that was as important as breathing

_Well, maybe I do love her…_

**---**

**Well, I edited some of it, it was based on a very personal experience (I changed most of it, but the "girl I don't know becomes closer to me than my girlfriend" is ****true) hope you enjoyed, even if this is older than my grandma.**


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